Underrated: Elbows

The elbow is seemingly impervious to damage. In some instances it can be used as a fearful weapon, in others as a sort of emergency shield against asphalt and people wielding sticks. It is also housed in a thin, flexible wetsuit-like skin that does not register pain--further evidence that is meant secondarily as a pointed implement of attack/defense that allows the user rib-, groin- or kidney-crunching jabs without having to deal with immediate repercussions. The skin is also highly resistant to pinching. Lastly, it has the primary function of providing a bending point between forearm and upper arm, allowing the following advancements in humanity:

-Eating of ice cream
-Picking nose
-Providing antithesis for phrase "at arm's length"
-Arm-wrestling
-Climbing rock walls
-Boxing, and thus the countless times we've forgotten, and then remembered again with total confusion and fear, "Mike Tyson owns a fucking tiger?!"

Underrated: Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull (slight spoiler)

"Oh man, that was so lame, he looked so old." "Oh man, Shia's a fag." "Oh man, I fucking hate aliens." Yeah, just like everyone else, I went through the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull life-cycle: 1. "There's a new Indiana Jones movie coming out?! Holy shit, is Harrison Ford going to be in it?" 2. "Indiana Jones 4, huh? Maybe I don't like when they turn trilogies into quad-logies. And it's kind of a weird title. Definitely not as cool as "Raiders of..." or "Last Crusade." 3. "Wow, the trailer looked bad-ass!" 4."Ahh, the reviews aren't so hot and this guy at work told me he heard from someone he used to work with that it was lame."
So that left me confused. But still anticipatory. But not expecting much.
So I saw it. And ya know what?
It was fine!
Sure, flying monkies/Shia. Sure, Stargate-esque plot that went over the top. SURE! Meandering Cate Blanchette accent.
But it's an Indiana Jones movie! How easily we forget Nazis being melted by God-power. Or hearts being ripped from chests still beating. Or, the ultimate, the HOLY GRAIL saving Sean Connery's hairy ass.

I've got my reservations, my complaints, my constructive criticism. But overall, this movie sucked way less than Transformers, the love scenes from Attack of the Clones or the second Matrix. Plus, Harrison Ford could be as old as the Knight in The Last Crusade and he'd still be the first person your paranoid ass would think is screwing your girlfriend when she doesn't text you back.

Underrated: Picnic Tables

Sit on them. Put fried chicken on them. Put Pepsi, Costco cake, BBQ chips, secret beers and plastic forks on them. Enjoy.

Underrated: Puking

How cool is it that our bodies know exactly how--and when--to do this. Like yeah, of course food goes in, it's gravity! But for you to be able to stand fully upright and yak up whatever's wreaking havoc is impressive, and a feat of evolution. Sure, the flu f-ing sucks, and dry-heaving really sucks. But after a night of heavy drinking, how fantastic does it feel to rest your head on that nice, cool bowl and retch? There's also the kind of post-puke honeymoon: you've brushed your teeth, grabbed a glass of water from the kitchen and crawled back into bed, and you're absolutely ecstatic that it's all over.

Ovverrated: Live Hookers

It's the world's oldest profession, but they've been serving it the same way for thousands of years. Why not mix it up a bit? Avoid messy altercations over payment, awkward goodbyes or stolen credit cards. Jack the Ripper knew it. So, the next time you decide you need to let off some steam from a rough day at the office, make it a cold one!

Overrated: April Fools Day

It's an asshole's holiday.

Funny: sending out an email announcing your immediate resignation and new career working pro bono for NAMBLA.

Not funny: calling members of immediate family, crying, and saying, "There's someone in the house and I'm really scared and...APRIL FOOLS DAY!"

April Fools Day is the weird, leering drunk cousin of the Holidays. It shows up semi-unannounced, doesn't bring presents, fucks with you, is gone suddenly and leaves a weird "what just happened" taste in your mouth.

Underrated: Vacuums

Besides making people who are watching TV pretend they're not mad at you but think "fuccckkkking stopppppp!!!" to themselves, these powerful bastards are arguably the keystone of our otherwise grim realities. Here are a few of their powers for anyone not familiar:

-Depending on power and age, can suck up: dust, dirt, paper clips, chips, boogers, lint, fingernail clippings, pet fur, some sticky things, small useless coins
-Capable of keeping any animal, domesticated or otherwise, cornered and paralyzed with fear for at least 45 seconds
-Takes bad things out of your lives
-Makes people lift up their feet
-Leaves tell-tale track marks on carpet that shows your guests you love them
-One of the only instances in the English language where two U's can party side-by-side
-Every one of them looks like a Star Wars droid

Just having one in your house makes a major positive social comment, saying "Yeah, I want to be a part of this civilization, too." Granted, their purchase and upkeep can be costly, but is brushing weird food and dirt off of your feet before you hop in the sack with a lady/guy friend the sexiest thing in the world? I argue, "nope." So, next time you're headed to the fridge or bathroom, stop by the corner of your living room or bedroom and say "'hey, thanks for sticking around".